Travel plans!

Have been so tempted to shop loads online recently!
Bought a couple of tops & now spamming for F21 as Cynthia will be heading over in slightly more than a week! Shipping within the US is free, so she'll have the items delivered to their hostel.


As I need to make a couple of trips to the hospital for scans, working has to be more flexible. & not to mention, any overseas trip have to planned perfectly.

I've pushed my Seoul trip to Sept/Oct so that I can prepare more 'shopping' money as well as for the weather. Initally, I wanted to go with Lynnette in July, but after checking, I realised that it's going to be summer. THAT's PRACTICALLY LIKE SINGAPORE.
I want to re-live the times we shivered in France, so I choose to go in Sept/Oct when its autumn. (: & I've decided to go alone as well.


& for July, I got news from Puma that Pris is coming back. We are invited to join her in Bali for 4 days & lodging will be provided. Plans are still pending (though I REALLY feel like going as I haven't been to major beach-resorts!), as some think the airfare is costly. I checked Jetstar *gulps*, & return tickets are about $300. Shall see what the majority says, I suppose!


I think I'm heading to Mustafa with my mom for some midnight shopping! Adios! :D

.

I'm gonna stay STRONG.

So I went to Singapore General Hospital this morning, accompanied by my sis.
At first, it was a basic consultation with a Renal specialist, which we were then referred to the Urology department.

I don't really want to know what's going on, but yet I have to keep my ears open. It was tough listening to the doctors repeat: 'this is not good/ rare for someone your age.' Of course I know it's not good! If I was alive & kicking well, I'd be having training for my flying career at THAT timing!
Frankly, I almost broke down when she tried to soothe me by rubbing my arms.

ONE THING I CAN'T STAND IS FOR PEOPLE TO TOUCH ME WHEN I FEEL LIKE CRYING. It feels like they pity me, & the chances that I'll break down increases tenfolds.
I told her to stop it, & that probably saved me some embarassment from crying in the dumb room.

I did another blood test, and I was close to crying too. In short, I'm terrified of hospitals, medicine, injections & what have you.


My family & best friends are backing and supporting me all the way, & I thank God for their presence.
For those people who know more (Aloysius & gang & my clique), you guys know 2 expired cans of beer saved my life! haha!


2 more visits to SGH next week! Phew~


Though 'ill', I still want to do things simultaneously; therefore I'm working at VivoCity for an event tomorrow! Receptionist, 6- 11pm, 80bucks!
That breaks down to like $16 an hour? Cool.
At first I got a shock. I thought I had to dress like a Showgirl. Thank God NO!!

.

If.

I feel so useless recently.

I'm clearly able-bodied, but yet because of a medical report, I am not able to continue flying.


The physician told me, with my problem, I should not work as a air stewardess because it will be too taxing for my body, so she asked me to give that up.


How do I put it to her that I would rather die?


I'm so scared, & so disappointed in myself.
I blamed God, for making my journey so smooth from the beginning, only to crush me when we're at the end.
I've been banned by SQ for 6 months, because I didn't make the management round.
Just when I told myself to focus & work hard for JQ, my blood test result showed problems, which the doctor will not be able to pass me.

In one day, both my dreams were dashed.


If I could find some way to kill myself (eating sleeping pills, drowning etc), I'm sure I would already have been dead now.
If I died, I probably STILL won't be a happy ghost 6 feet under.


Initially thinking that I'm going to have a happy 20th birthday celebration next Wednesday, anticipating Jetstar's training on the 17th and hesitating if I should attend NYP's graduation ceremony on 21st.

Now, the birthday celebration will still go on, but I won't be happy.
Jetstar's training, I won't be going.
Graduation, I feel like I wouldn't want to go, because I don't want to face people. People who will ask me what am I doing now, why haven't you start training.



Wanting to cry each night, but my tears have already all dried up.

If anyone have the power to heal my wound, or the power to console me so my pain can be lessen, please...save me.

I'm trying to look like everything is fine, but I'm bleeding inside.

*poots*

My current FML mood.

If only the day gets better..

I had another blood test today.

The doctor passed me for the U test, even though there were still traces of protein. He recommended that for my sake, I should take a blood test to see what's wrong.
'You look perfectly healthy to me, so I don't see why I should fail you'. The blood test is just a reassurance in case the 2nd-reviewing doctor in Australia questions.

I must admit that I'm really terrified.
My health has never posted a problem for me in the past, & furthermore I'm still young. I certainly don't wish for a small problem like protein in the urine to hinder my career.

With that being said, the blood test results will be out tomorrow.
There's another reason why I'm more uncomfortable than normal. In my mind, I was thinking: "if you can fail Jetstar's medical, what makes you think SQ will be fine?". That's why my mood today is really like, FML.


Then I went down to HTT to pay the training bond. Amount is really alot for a post-graduate student like myself, & it's taking a toll on my personal life.
I must really budget my lifestyle, that means eating at home more, less spendings etc. This is certainly a far cry from the initial Wendy who was heading to Los Angeles for holiday.


Also, I received the JETSTAR Ground school pre-course training booklet, which I'm supposed to read up on before ground school starts. There'll be a quiz on the first day, they say. That will be on 17 May, IF I GET JQ.

My contract is under Jetstar International, & I was rather surprised by the routes.
I have Hawaii, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Phuket, Bali etc, but there's no Hongkong & Taipei. Gosh, my 2 most favored destinations.