Most Emotional Night yet.

I've been spending this period of my life, trapped in the HUGO Boss store.


It's not exactly 'trapped'. More like, I have no idea why the hell my life took such a turn that I have to work part-time in the retail line.
My mom isn't happy, as she argues that why does a diploma holder have to resort back to retail, which ANYBODY can do. Though she might sound mean, but after thinking back, I know she means well for me.

Afterall, retail & being a stewardess is a far cry away, isn't it?


One grateful thing (besides the pay) that I've gotten from HUGO is friendship.
We're like comrades, supporting & helping each other, cheering everybody on whenever the day goes bad.




Like last night for example, we incidentally went for another drinking session at Plush Bar @ Raffles Place.
(I had initially intended to go Clarke Quay to find Puma & Tatiana, who's visiting from Finland. However, by some course of misunderstanding, I gave up trying to meet.)

I don't know if it's that my alcohol tolerance is low, but on almost every outing that we drank, I cried.
Most of the reasons was still self-pity about my plight (Plush Bar's location is a constant reminder of my failed JQ medical).

Last night, I really broke down. I remembered what was the topic Nash & I were talking about:
our life's greatest regrets.
& immediately, my mind automatically linked back to plight-SIA-yuanxiang.
& I've never told anyone since her death (except for my clique when we all went for counselling), about the biggest regret I have towards Yx.

I cannot do anything to restore the situation that we were trapped in during year 2. My shoulders felt so deflated each time my mind wanders to my lost friend.
& just when I thought that the least I could do was to complete our promise, my own body just didn't listen.

I've never seen her in my dreams.
Not since the night that she passed on, a moth sat in front of me as I woke up crying. How I wish sometimes that she can appear & tell me 'It's okay, I know you've tried', and then I would just feel a little better & my shoulders can regain its strength.

Gilbert says that crying once I drank alcohol is bad, because it means most of the time I'm acting strong & holding everything in. Under the influence of alcohol, all my real emotions show: sorrow, guilt & emptyness.
I guess my drinking khakis are scared of me now. I promised them that I wouldn't drink.....for at least a week more.

(P.S: I am still keeping that regret as a secret.)

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I'm gonna stay STRONG.

So I went to Singapore General Hospital this morning, accompanied by my sis.
At first, it was a basic consultation with a Renal specialist, which we were then referred to the Urology department.

I don't really want to know what's going on, but yet I have to keep my ears open. It was tough listening to the doctors repeat: 'this is not good/ rare for someone your age.' Of course I know it's not good! If I was alive & kicking well, I'd be having training for my flying career at THAT timing!
Frankly, I almost broke down when she tried to soothe me by rubbing my arms.

ONE THING I CAN'T STAND IS FOR PEOPLE TO TOUCH ME WHEN I FEEL LIKE CRYING. It feels like they pity me, & the chances that I'll break down increases tenfolds.
I told her to stop it, & that probably saved me some embarassment from crying in the dumb room.

I did another blood test, and I was close to crying too. In short, I'm terrified of hospitals, medicine, injections & what have you.


My family & best friends are backing and supporting me all the way, & I thank God for their presence.
For those people who know more (Aloysius & gang & my clique), you guys know 2 expired cans of beer saved my life! haha!


2 more visits to SGH next week! Phew~


Though 'ill', I still want to do things simultaneously; therefore I'm working at VivoCity for an event tomorrow! Receptionist, 6- 11pm, 80bucks!
That breaks down to like $16 an hour? Cool.
At first I got a shock. I thought I had to dress like a Showgirl. Thank God NO!!

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Recharge after the fun!

In the process of charging my camera so I can upload the Graduation photos! (:

Crazy hilarious ceremony & after-grad party!
I really love my class so much, even though we are all so very different in our own ways. In my opinion, I think because we are SO DIFFERENT, it turns out we blend in nicely.


(P.S: Kester, now I know you're stalking my blog, you cute stalker!! )