I feel so useless recently.
I'm clearly able-bodied, but yet because of a medical report, I am not able to continue flying.
The physician told me, with my problem, I should not work as a air stewardess because it will be too taxing for my body, so she asked me to give that up.
How do I put it to her that I would rather die?
I'm so scared, & so disappointed in myself.
I blamed God, for making my journey so smooth from the beginning, only to crush me when we're at the end.
I've been banned by SQ for 6 months, because I didn't make the management round.
Just when I told myself to focus & work hard for JQ, my blood test result showed problems, which the doctor will not be able to pass me.
In one day, both my dreams were dashed.
If I could find some way to kill myself (eating sleeping pills, drowning etc), I'm sure I would already have been dead now.
If I died, I probably STILL won't be a happy ghost 6 feet under.
Initially thinking that I'm going to have a happy 20th birthday celebration next Wednesday, anticipating Jetstar's training on the 17th and hesitating if I should attend NYP's graduation ceremony on 21st.
Now, the birthday celebration will still go on, but I won't be happy.
Jetstar's training, I won't be going.
Graduation, I feel like I wouldn't want to go, because I don't want to face people. People who will ask me what am I doing now, why haven't you start training.
Wanting to cry each night, but my tears have already all dried up.
If anyone have the power to heal my wound, or the power to console me so my pain can be lessen, please...save me.
I'm trying to look like everything is fine, but I'm bleeding inside.
2 comments:
HEY HI,
i saw u in my facebook friends list recently.
i thot i flew with u b4 luh!
dun worry, can get SQ 1..
consider taking a break after poly, no nid rush into flying.. now SQ short of crews.. so higher chances to get in compared to my time..
i took a break too.. once u start flying, u really just keep working alr, consider this a short period of break luh..
dun be sad! u are very pretty must smile!
Cheers, Keagan!
Hey girl..
God has bigger plans for you..just treat this as an obstacle you have to go through in life. Life is not always smooth sailing.
I did not make it through the 20th march interview due to my uneven body proportion. If i try again I duno if I can still make it through or not. I was sad initially but now i realised that if i wasnt suitable for this job, there's always a better job out there for me. And the best 'revenge' is to get a job that I can earn much more than an air stewardess in years to come.. hehe..then i can travel all i want.
All the best! U're still young so dont give up in life k! ((:
ft
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